Kissing Kathryn Tappen: Top 10 Athletes that fuc*ed up. 10, 9, 8.

O.J. Simpson Also currently known as Inmate #1027820, Tiger Woods, and Mike "Mr. I'll eat your children and fuck you" Tyson are far too easy to put on this list. You know the story. If not, your a communist.

Honorable mention - Best of the rest

Stephon Marbury - Makes all-star game, gets a tattoo on his head, and eats Vaseline all for your viewing pleasure
Ty Cobb - Beat up a one-handed heckler in the stands, involved in fixing games with Tris Speaker, and batted .366 for his career.
Sticky Icky Ricky Williams - Ricky Williams is a good running back, but when he’s not tearing up the grass, he’s smoking it (holistic medicine), and playing football in Canada. French fries and gravy, Eh?
Kevin Mitchell -Cut his girlfriend's cat's head off with a knife according to Dwight Gooden's autobiography Heat.

*SPAIN*
In an act of desperation so pathetic it inspires pity, some of the players on the Spaniards' gold medal-winning Paralympic basketball team turned out not be disabled at all. Did it work? The Spaniards were disqualified from the basketball competition and stripped of their title. There was no evidence of any wrongdoing in other Paralympic events, and we're going to accept that the rest of them were disabled. The alternative, which is that most of their athletes were normal and yet only finished third overall, is too sad to contemplate.

10) Hippolyte Acouturier (WTF who??)
A little out of left field, and not the level of fucking up that some people have achieved, but I liked this story, so here it goes.

In 1904, during only the second ever Tour de France, Hippolyte Acouturier thought he had found a foolproof way to sidestep those meddlesome rules that were impeding his chances of winning with little or no effort. You can't blame him, back then the Tour de France was mostly shenanigans, with some bike racing in between (for instance, Acouturier had lost the first Tour de France when someone spiked his water bottle). In fact, accounts of the first races say competitors used everything from nails and broken glass on the road, to itching powder in the opposing riders shorts to get an edge. At one point an angry mob randomly attacked some riders and had to be driven away with gunfire. Yes, bicycle racing was about a thousand times more awesome back then. Hippo came up with an awe-inspiring method of cheating that would leave other, lesser geniuses, scratching their head in wonder. He didn't simply grab hold of the bumper of some car and hold on for dear life, as a lesser man would have. No, he attached a wire to the bumper of the car, and on the other end of the wire was a hunk of cork that he would hold onto. With his teeth. While this plan has its merits, we can't help but think that a slip knot tied to his handlebars would have worked just as well. Only without the probable need for radical reconstructive dental surgery. Did it work? Hippolyte won four of the six stages, but lost the race to another guy who, as it turns out, was also cheating using some other method out of the Wile E. Coyote playbook. Organizers actually wound up disqualifying the top four finishers and awarded the race to fifth-place finisher Henri Cornet, who apparently was the only one who found a way to cheat that wasn't obvious from a half-mile away.

Im pretty sure Hyppo looked something like this with a classic turn of the century porn stache.

9) Tonya Harding - Little miss bad ass

She has had quite the little stumble from grace throughout her career. Practically no one, ever even gave a fuck about her until the clubbing of Nancy Kerrigan prior to the 1994 Winter Olympics. After that little speedbump, Tonya dabbled in ameteur porn. I couldn't leave her off the list, being the least subtle example of stupidty and cheating in sports. What gets forgotten, is that Tonya Harding was, at one time, really fucking good. She was the first American woman to complete a triple-axel jump. In 1991 she placed second in the World Figure Skating Championships. Around 1993, she started to fuck up. She sat out a competition after somebody called in a bomb threat against her (she called in the threat). She had wandered off from the medal ceremony at a US Championship, which was a problem because she was one of the people getting a medal. Then, at the 1994 US Figure Skating Championships, Harding presumably high on lithium and cat urine, hired Shane Stant to bust the shit out of Nancy Kerrigan's kneecap using a metal baton. Harding won the event after Kerrigan was forced to pull out. But after the inevitable arrest of Stant (kind of hard to get away with assaulting someone in front of reporters), Harding was prosecuted. Harding only avoided jail time after pleading guilty, and was sentenced to 500 hours of community service and a $160,000 fine. This was also backed up by stripping Harding of her title and banning her from all future sanctioned events. Although Harding got the last laugh, as she went on to have a successful career in amateur porn and female boxing.

8)Dennis Rodman - Marry Carmen Electra. What’s the worst that could happen?

Believe it or not Dennis Rodman actually played basketball and he was really good at it. He won five championships, two defensive player of the year awards, and led the league in rebounding seven years in a row which is quite the feat for someone that only stands at 6'8. But be honest, who wants to hear about that? Dennis Rodman wore a wedding dress to an autograph signing, married Carmen Electra while drunk and then fought her, and of course kicked a camerman in the balls. It all began in the early 1990’s when Rodman was found passed out in his car with a loaded rifle which he would later claim was to be used for suicide. Luckily for us and our entertaining pleasure, Rodman continued to live a very extravagant life by making himself a constant side-show on and off the court. In San Antonio that he began to dye his hair where it started blonde and then changed on a daily basis depending on his mood. In a game facing the Minnesota Timberwolves, Rodman tripped over cameraman Eugene Amos and did the natural response of kicking Amos in the nuts. Rodman was forced to pay the lightweight $200,000 in court. But onto his personal life! Rodman lost his virginity at 20 to a prostitute before downgrading to Madonna. Following their breakup, he married Carmen Electra while intoxicated where the two eventually got into a domestic dispute and divorced 10 days later. He has also claimed to be a bi-sexual, which explains the wedding dress, I guess. He finished off his productive off court career by getting into another domestic dispute in a Los Angeles hotel and was eventually sentenced to counseling and probation.